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I think I’ve come to the realization today that because I’m not online in a fake account with filtered photos with lie surrounding me misconceptions about who I am it hit me today that you know what nobody really does want me and that stings a little bit because I’ve always thought of myself as a halfway decent person but here I am alone by my choice of course the sad thing is nobody actually really ever wanted me they wanted what I had to offer the convenience as I came with, but nobody actually ever truly wanted me or saw me for me or love me for me. They live what they wanted me to be. They love the idea of Me but if there’s one person on this planet, that’s ever really love me to me a favor. Tell me you love me tell me what it is you love about me because right now everything being said about me all the negative comments towards me how I’m gonna fail and let my kids down now I’m not gonna make it. I’m gonna go back to jail I’m gonna fuck up. It’s tearing me apart because it’s making me doubt every single thing I do from the time I get up to the time I go to bed and I shouldn’t because I’ve done this before, but I literally have no parts than you left to believe in they’ve been stripped away. That’s what happens when you give yourself completely to somebody and you trust them with every single part of you and when you value somebody enough to give them that much you do and they don’t value you in return it breaks and you believe you have in yourself. It breaks any value you holding yourself it makes you feel like you’re not good enough and I’m tired of feeling like I’m not good enough I’m tired of feeling like a failure. I’m tired of feeling like disappointment and I’ve worked hard to get where I am and I’m sorry it wasn’t good enough. I’m so sorry it wasn’t good enough for anybody. It was good enough for me. It was good enough for my kids. My kids see the change. They live with me every day, but I’m sorry that wasn’t good enough for you.

I’m sorry that you had to seek out to destroy every part of me that existed for yourself. I hold myself to an unrealistic standard. I’m never gonna be those beautiful women online and for that reason right there I’m gonna always be alone because everybody placing all their value on the Internet and things they see on there with all those pretty filters. Nobody wants Real anymore. Nobody wants some streaks. Nobody wants less than perfect and I’m never gonna be perfect fuck I’m not even lovable. I’m not even likable anymore cause I know I don’t like what I see in the mirror.

I thought I did, but I read another post about a piece of shit. I am if I was such a piece of shit why did you stay for six years? It wasn’t out of love because you quit loving me four years ago when you told another bitch, I was a worthless piece of shit holding you down and you had nothing and I’m a worthless piece of shit because you have to do everything bullshit you stopped loving me four years ago why didn’t you leave four years ago? What were you holding onto the fact I’m a piece of shit. If you felt that way about me to the point that you had to tell another woman that about me, you should’ve left them at that point is when I knew you stopped loving me when you had to trash my character because those words were probably said true to you because that’s what you believe about me and I’m sorry you never saw my value. I’m sorry you never saw anything. I added to your life. I’m sorry I had no value to you. You shouldn’t let me believe I did because now you’ve destroyed a whole person with it, but that doesn’t phase you you didn’t care who you destroyed along the way every click of a button every time you looked at another fucking woman you took another piece of me.

Did that bother you at all? No it didn’t because you told me it didn’t you cared so little about me you didn’t even try. I wasn’t even worth one fucking effort. You didn’t even try and then I wonder why I hate myself why I feel the way I do. I wasn’t even worth an effort. I wasn’t even worth somebody trying somebody taking the time to give a fuck I wasn’t worth it to anyone and never happened in my whole life. If that doesn’t break somebody I don’t know what will for the first time in my life I walked out on somebody and not willingly because I had no other choice. I was in love with somebody who didn’t love me anymore, who didn’t want me who hated me and made sure. I knew it felt it every day, but I still beg for him to see me. I still be for his love, even though I was worthless, so don’t ask you why I feel worthless because that’s what I’ve been shown for the last six years I said I’m worthless and I’m not worth a shit and I’m sorry I’m not worth a shit to anybody I really i’m sorry for that to not because I didn’t try. I just had to accept that all I’m ever gonna be seen as as a piece of meat for men a depository for their sperm because all they’re ever gonna do is look at all those beautiful women and think of all those beautiful women women are with me.

No one’s ever gonna look at me with ration in their eyes and look at me like they love me because no one ever has if they get it for a brief second just a brief second for me to believe but how am I supposed to convince anybody? I have any value when I don’t even believe in myself you stripped all my belief away every time you post without I’m gonna fail. I’m gonna go to jail I’m gonna let my kids down every time you post something negative you take another piece to me that I’m trying to hold onto you so stop just please stop. You’re broken down enough. You destroyed me to stop. I know you never love me. That’s OK. I know you didn’t try. You didn’t make an effort you told me it’s OK. You told me you were OK with hurting me cause you did it and then when you saw how bad it hurt me you still didn’t do anything you just kept hurting me. Can you tell me what I did to deserve all that please why did I deserve to be treated so badly can you please tell me so I can fix it cause I need to know because I can’t do this again. I won’t do this again, but I’m so lonely for a friend or companionship that I haven’t had in a long time.

I’ve been lonely for a long time we quit talking a long time ago because you were talking to everybody but me and I’m the one person one person who is you’ve just been honest with with a road treat you with anything I would’ve been there or anything. You’ve just been honest with me if you would just stop comparing me to all those beautiful women online quit looking at them before you were laying down have sex with me do you have degrading? It is for me to know that you were looking at all these beautiful women all night and then coming home after work wanting to make love to me, knowing you were thinking about them. Would it bother you if I thought about another man when I was fucking you I don’t know if it would or not, but that I ever did, but I didn’t do this. I didn’t get here by myself. I didn’t destroy myself. I’ve worked hard to pick myself back up to get out of my addiction and it still wasn’t good enough for you even when I was clean it wasn’t good enough for you. Why why was I not good enough? Can you tell me what’s wrong with me please somewhat cause I can’t go on like this anymore. I can’t go on thinking I’m OK and then putting out I’m not but there’s something wrong with me and nobody will tell me what the fuck it is but whatever it is it’s wrong with me. Makes people feel like they can treat me like shit and I’m supposed to accept it. Me OK with it and I’m not why do people see me and think that I deserve to get disrespected so why do people look at me and think it’s OK to trample my feelings cause they don’t matter my feelings do matter matter to me so if you’re gonna play with them, you’re gonna fuck with them you’re gonna use them against me and just stay the fuck away from me. I don’t wanna fuck buddy. I don’t want friends with benefits. I want friends, genuine friends I want companionship I want my relationship back that I used to that I was happy and years ago before the lies before he said I was a piece of shit before he broke my heart by telling his girlfriend. I was a horrible person when I was holding a doubt I wanna go back to bed.

I don’t want you looking other women I want you to only look at me, but you never good. I’m so sorry I wasn’t pretty enough for you. I tried to be. I really did but tried dressing the way you wanted me to dress. I tried everything I’m good and the cutest thing and I’m Sorry so so plain so unnoticeable so insane. I wanna go back to what I was happy with you. I miss those times. I have forgotten how to be happy because it’s been so much hurt since then four years four years since the first time you punched me in my face and I stayed four years since you told another woman I was a piece of shit and I stayed four years for you to try to lie to me about it too four years since you broke my heart and then you complained when I got when I tried to break your. I never broke your hardest many times if she broke my and I don’t know exactly what you think you know, but you don’t know shit how many people do you think I slept with in the last six years you wanna talk let’s sit down and talk like adults. Let’s do it but we’re gonna have a mediator because I think we need to have somebody there so we’re both safe so I don’t have to worry about getting arrested either. I don’t want you arrested. Did the cops not explain that to you clear enough the first time but I don’t want you in jail.

The only reason there’s no contact your worries cause I couldn’t get you to move out of my house you weren’t paying your part of the bills you were stressing me out you were talking to other women laughing on the phone. We did having a good time while I’m sitting here crying. I’m asking you to leave you’re saying you’re gonna leave and you wouldn’t you let me no choice. I couldn’t even come home because you made me hate being here because I knew you hated me and I didn’t know why I knew you didn’t love me anymore and I didn’t understand why I couldn’t be here just like I don’t wanna be here now because it’s still our home to me. This isn’t my home. This is our my home is with you where you were and you took it from me and you gave my home to every other woman you talk to over the last six years forever I believe and you were busy selling everybody else telling everybody I was a piece of shit telling everybody you pay for everything that you provide for me and the Boys why couldn’t you just be honest why do you hate me so much? What the fuck did I do it’s what I did is no worse than what you did and I didn’t hate you. I still love you all the way through all the bullshit and I would’ve roasted you to the end if you just been honest with me, I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough. You’re really but now I doubt everything about me because of you. I’m sorry that they more than I ever did because if I’ve ever meant that much to you, you would’ve stopped you would’ve left them alone, but you didn’t you didn’t until it was too late.

Did you spend $300 on an app trying to save a relationship? I had a custom bill and took him three months to build that App three months. I waited to share this with you so we had something to work with to try to fix us and you didn’t wanna take us anyway so it wouldn’t matter I wanted you to want us the way I did the way I do. I don’t wanna go on without you? I don’t but I know you’ll never love me so I have to so I never want to but you don’t love me like I love you. I’m sorry you didn’t feel I deserved it. if I’m wrong about any of this and let me know I’m wrong. I will sit down and I will talk. I think your little buddy that starts with an S would be a great mediator. He can sit right there and just make sure we stay on the topic and we don’t insult each other and we don’t put each other down because I know that’s what you’re gonna do. I’m gonna see you and you’re gonna make me hate myself even more than I already do. You’re gonna tell me there’s something else wrong with you. You’re gonna tell me I didn’t do something else. Good enough that I let you down some other way you had no problem telling me everything I did wrong but you sure had a problem telling me anything I did right you didn’t think it was your job to reassure me, but it was my job to reassure you. What else did you want from me? You were killing me, but I was trying to save us. What was I supposed to do? Let you talk to other women and entertain them and laugh and have a good time with them while I’m sitting here lonely I couldn’t do it anymore. It almost took me back down my lane, but I didn’t but instead I chose to stop sitting here watching you talk to other women in my face and laughing with them hurting me thinking it’s funny. You don’t do that to people you love that’s how I know you don’t love me. I’m just wondering how long ago you quit loving me and why you lied to me about loving me because if you love me, you wouldn’t have done that shit you wouldn’t have done it if you love me so how long ago did you stop bothering me how long ago then why lie to me all that time about loving me if you didn’t why did we even talk about marriage because you didn’t love me then either you did it. You didn’t love me when we were talking about getting married on April 1 so why were you even talking to me about married and you didn’t love me?

Why did you tell your daughter when you tore up the marriage, you getting threw it on the floor in front of me when I still have it why did you lie about so much when it came to me? Why did you have to lie and tell people you didn’t have a girlfriend when I’ve been here since 2020 why I just want answers and I want the truthful ones I don’t want any more lies. Can I have some truth so I can move on and I don’t even know that I can because I hate myself so much. I really truly hate myself because I love you so fucking much. It makes me hate myself that I can’t let go on my love for you that I still believe in you that I still believe in us and I’m such a fool for feeling this way I’m stupid for feeling this way because I know you don’t feel the same and it’s just wasted feelings on you. I’ve never meant this. I never been shit to you and I guess I just have to accept that. I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough. I’m so sorry.