A

I graduated two years ago and I remember thinking ok now the real part starts. Like everything before was practice and now I was going to go do the thing. I didn’t know what the thing was but I figured it would show up.

It didn’t show up.

I applied to maybe 200 jobs and got the one I have now which is fine. Its not bad. The people are nice enough and I get health insurance and I can afford my rent if I don’t do anything else. I told myself it was temporary. That was two years ago. I think I stopped saying temporary around month 8.

I had plans. I don’t even remember what they were exactly. Something about grad school or moving somewhere or starting something. They felt real when I was 22 and they feel like something I read about someone else now. I don’t know when they stopped being mine. They just sort of evaporated and I didn’t notice until they were gone.

My friends from college are doing things. I see it online. Someone got into law school. Someone moved to London. Someone started a company that sells something I don’t understand. I am happy for them in the way you are happy for someone in a movie. Like good for her. And then I close the app and I am back in my apartment and its tuesday.

I had this idea of who I was going to be and she was interesting. She traveled and had opinions and went to things. I dont know where she went. Maybe she’s still in there somewhere but she is very quiet now.

Now in the conclusion of it all, I just work, everyday, eight hours or more just work, thats all my life is, clock in, clockout, sleep, clock in. Sometimes I hangout with my ex-….situationship? idk but hes kind of an asshole, says rude things about me as a joke and I think hes trying to get into my pants but alas, I don’t really think I’m worth anything more then that.