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I went fishing yesterday in the Sound. I sat on a poor fishing boat, and yachts passed by. Sailing classes with kids less than 10 years old. Houses bigger than the ones I have in my dream. They tell me money wont buy happiness. Is that a lie? I dont see how that can be true. I dont see how I can be more unhappy than I am now, if I am in a 3000sqft house, in front of a lake and my kids are in sailing class. And I can make them do chores when they come back, not because they have to or everything will be dirty, but because I want to teach them how to be a good person.

That last part is what gets me. When you have money chores become a lesson. When you dont have money chores are just your life. My kids do chores because if they dont the apartment falls apart. There is no lesson in it. There is no character building. Its just survival dressed up as responsibility.

I watched this dad help his kid off a sailboat. The kid was maybe 8. He had a life jacket that actually fit him properly and the dad picked him up and put him on the dock and they walked to their car which I am sure cost more than two years of my rent. And I thought this kid is going to grow up and tell people that money doesnt matter. Because he has never once had to think about it. And my kid is going to grow up and know exactly how much everything costs because he watches me count it.

I am not jealous of the boat or the house. I am jealous of the option. The option to not worry. The option to take your kid sailing on a tuesday because you can. The option to pick a school because its good and not because its close. The option to say no to a job you hate because you have another one lined up. I have never once in my life had the option and I am tired of people who have always had it telling me it doesnt matter.

The fish werent biting anyway. I sat there for three hours and caught nothing. The boat smelled like gasoline and old bait and the sun was too hot and I loved every second of it because it was mine. Three hours where nobody needed anything from me.

That part they dont tell you about being broke. Its not the not having. Its the never stopping. You are always working or thinking about working or worrying about not working. There is no pause button. Rich people have a pause button. They just dont know its there because they have never had to look for it.

I drove home and my son asked me if I caught anything and I said no and he said thats ok dad and I dont know why that almost made me cry but it did.