Anonymous

I’m looking for a job and I suddenly feel like I’m fourteen again. Maybe I was too young to understand it then, but now I recognize it for what it is: desperation.

The world isn’t going to stop for me, respect my need to process things, or wait until I feel ready to exist. It won’t be kind. There’s no one I can call, no one I can tell this kind of thing to. I’m alone.

I ignore my problems hoping they’ll go away, but they only grow, and there’s nowhere left for me to hide.

I have to be this person. I am going to graduate from this “prestigious” university. And go on to a job people admire. but I’m not going to.

I wish I could disappear.

Nothing I’ve done so far means anything anyway.