Marisol

Hi! I’m submitting another entry. Sadly, some more of the same old. I hope I can rely on using my words to express how I feel instead of letting it get to me horribly. Today we all went to dinner, grandmother included. It was a depressing ordeal.

As stated in my last entry, my grandmother was diagnosed with breast then brain cancer, and currently is not doing too well after her most recent surgery. The closer I get to traveling back home solidifies another day in where I might not get to see her again. I go to school and will be too busy to travel and visit, and she has been given a remainder of two months to live.

Seeing her struggle at dinner with her entire surroundings and communicating just makes it even more real. I know this is a real thing, I know I must accept it, but I feel so detached. I need to be strong for everyone, because everybody is falling apart. If I do too, what do we have left? If im not okay, then will we ever be?

Im not responsible, but it really feels like it. And im starting to accept the blame.

That’s it for tonight, I think I’ll sleep a bit longer. Can’t think if you’re dreaming.