Rowyn

Idk if one can feel themselves about to collapse into a psychic break the very first time but happens but it feels like I am. I’m having a hard time seeing anything positive for very long. I’ve felt extremely short tempered but now I don’t feel as short as I was and it’s become mostly disassociation and contempt. I’m in a lot of physical pain. I tried going to the doctor but to have an ultrasound done would be hundreds of dollars after insurance……….plus take a month to book in an appointment. My whole nail was ripped off 5 days ago. Nail bed and all and I feel so handy capped to do basic things. It hurts to wash dishes but I have to because now we have a baby problem in the house.

Between having young kids and being permanently gassed, it’s also been difficult to keep up with household tasks and I’ve gotten far behind on laundry and things are starting to pile up I can’t think with piles everywhere. I feel claustrophobic and incapable until I get them out of my sight but the exhaustion and pain keeps me in bed.

I feel like a failure and I keep waiting for this deep, dark season of life to pass and yet it persists.