Anonymous

I am taking B12 and K2+D3 vitamin supplements.

I quit most social media. Reddit is all I have left.

I stopped pacing and disassociating so much.

When I came home from work this morning, I rode my stationary bike for 20 minutes. I showered, laid out my work clothes for work tonight, and made up my bed.

Then I ate breakfast. Two slices peanut butter toast. One deer meat stick. Water.

My emotional regulation is so much better. Internet friends that once felt so close to me feel like a distant memory. A hazy dream.

I know my last couple posts were male centric. However, it feels more like a release than it does anything else. Like I am exorcising myself of The Poison. Removing it from my system so I can find my courage to put myself out there.

I need to banish these negative experiences by creating positive experiences.

I don’t need to grow a thick skin in the sense that I have to keep taking their crap. I need to grow a thick skin in the sense that I shouldn’t internalize their crap.

Currently, I am winding down from work, sipping my green tea. I wouldn’t be able to concentrate right now.

However, I am much more open to the possibility. Maybe posting a sticky note to the side of my television screen:

Keep Calm and Do Your Best.

We all start somewhere and I have been dragging this weight for far too long. If boys/men don’t like it, they don’t have to play with me. And I don’t have to play with them.

I am in charge of who is in my space.

Pure and simple. This is my short term goal: play one warzone match with the mic.

I think, once I do it just one time, it won’t seem so insurmountable anymore. Climb enough mountains and they will soon seem like pebbles.

I am off to bed.